Questioning my Education Practice (part 2): an interview with Kay Switzer

Interview with EOI Board member Kay Switzer, part 2: Questioning My Sex Education

 EOI’s Director of Development, Gail Cowan, sat down with Kay Switzer, EOI board member, to ask her about her own experience with sex education and her motivation for working in the field. Kay has been a mover and shaker in the reproductive world, dedicating her career to the advancement of reproductive rights. She has had time spent in the classroom teaching sex education to students as well as advocating for the Title X family planning program. This is part 2 of the interview. (You can read part 1 here)

 Gail: Last time, we talked about your sex education experience in middle school and high school. How did that education prepare you – or not – for the larger world after you left high school?

 Kay: When I went to community college away from home, I met so many people from different walks of life. But I found that I was still operating from a shame-based narrative about my personal life, including how I felt about myself and my own sexual experiences or lack thereof. I remember having a conversation with a good friend. She said to me, “I have learned more from you than I have in school or from my family.” While at the time I was flattered, I now realize how telling that statement was. If I was the best it got in terms of sex education for my friend, then that was saying something.

 Gail: How and when did you begin teaching sex education?

 Kay: I first began teaching sex education informally to friends and peers as I learned factual information about reproductive and sexual health . I was able to answer questions and provide support. Then, once I had transferred to a university, I worked with teen girls through a summer program. Some of the girls talked to me about same-sex experiences. As I spoke to these girls, I could hear in their questions the bias they were experiencing:

 ·        “My parents don’t like gay people, but I don’t have a problem with it”

·        “I didn’t really want to... It just happened, but like I kinda wanted to”

·        “I think I like girls”

 As an educator, how do you hear these things and not let it get to your heart? Thankfully, I was able to sit down and talk one-on-one with many of these girls to mentor them and provide honest feedback.

 Gail: In addition to being passionate about sex education, you’re also an advocate for family planning services. When did you start realizing the importance of trauma-informed family planning care?

 Kay: When I was in my early 20s, I went to the gynecologist to get birth control. I picked the non-hormonal IUD. No one told me how painful this would be. I took some ibuprofen before coming in as directed, but no one explained to me that doctors can and will do an invasive procedure on women without pain medications. It hurt so much that I had to stop and couldn't finish the procedure. The next year, I had my annual visit, and I was so nervous that the new gynecologist asked me if I was okay. She said, “it looks like you have had some trauma.” I did not even think of it that way. Women experience pain and are expected to push through it. Our health care is determined by our professionals. Within any health system, it's up to the doctor to create the atmosphere of safety for the client. If that doctor has any biases, it is very apparent in their practice. Unfortunately, this is how the cycle continues.

 Gail: How do you think we can best end this cycle?

 Kay: All of these experiences justify the importance of comprehensive sex education. Comprehensive sex education does not use fear tactics to shame students. Rather, it is inclusive of all students, including LGBTQ+ youth, and it is factual and free of biases and personal values.

 I recently saw a book on anatomy at a local store and I opened it to find every system in the human body covered, except for the reproductive system.

 When we give age-appropriate sex education – beginning with teaching elementary school the basics about boundaries and consent (e.g., it is okay not to hug someone if you don’t want to) – we start a foundation for self-advocacy. As the student get older, they are more comfortable with refusal skills and saying no. When we give kids information on sex education often it delays first onset sexual experience. If the goal is to avoid unwanted infections, unwanted pregnancy, and healthy relationships, we need to stop lying to our kids about this information. We are human beings with many facets, including sexual development and sexual feelings, and it is important to talk about this.

 Gail: Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It’s so important that we talk openly and honestly about things so many people do through, but it can also be hard to do. We appreciate all you do for EOI – and for sex education and family planning in Iowa!

 Kay: Thanks for having me and giving me a place to share my experiences. I’m grateful for the staff of EOI and their commitment to talking about hard things every day.

Questioning my Education Practice: an interview with Kay Switzer, EOI Board member (part 1)

Recently, EOI’s Director of Development, Gail Cowan, sat down with Kay Switzer, EOI board member, to ask her about her own experience with sex education and her motivation for working in the field. Kay has been a mover and shaker in the reproductive world, dedicating her career to the advancement of reproductive rights. She has had time spent in the classroom teaching sex education to students as well as advocating for the Title X family planning program. This is part 1 of the interview. Part 2 will be featured in our next newsletter.

Gail: What’s your earliest memory of sex education?

Kay: When I was in third grade, I remember learning about the human body. We had lessons on the lungs, heart, and stomach. I vividly remember learning about the three bones in our ears from our student teacher. As I sat there filling out labels for each organ on my worksheet, I couldn’t shake the feeling of “what if there are more organs in the body that they are not telling us about?”

Gail: Did you continue to receive sex education? How did it change as you got older?

Kay: When I was in fifth grade, I remember a puberty talk. Boys and girls were separated to watch Just Around the Corner videos. I was fascinated. I was not menstruating, but the process was intriguing. It could have been the fact that it was taboo or that adults kept the information from us. After watching the videos, we received puberty packs – pads, deodorant, sanitary wipes, etc. I remember our teacher saying, “I spent money out of my own pocket to provide these for you.”

Then when I was in eighth grade, the boys and girls watched each other’s videos together. There were many laughs and silly questions. I was too afraid to ask the questions I wanted answers to because it was so much deeper than what my peers wanted to know. I wanted to know:

●       Why is this awkward?

●       Why can’t you just provide the facts?

●       Why is the principal looking in on the class only on puberty days?

Gail: Tell me about your experience with sex education in high school.

And when I was in tenth grade, I remember deciding what health classes to take. The options were sparse – Sex Education, Mental Health, and Family Health (which included carrying a baby doll around for two weeks). I remember my teacher showing us condoms but explaining that she couldn’t show us how they worked because the school was against it. If parents didn’t want their child learning about sex education, that student was put in one of the other classes. The only other class that touched reproductive health was anatomy and physiology.

When I took my high school health class, my teacher overshared personal details. I thought to myself, “Why does it matter that you first started menstruating on Christmas day in 5th grade?” I did not need to know that she got on birth control after her child was born. She made it seem like birth control was only an option after you had a child. I was bold that day and I asked, “but do you NEED to be on birth control?” My teacher looked a little stunned and replied, “well it’s up to you.” This was the only affirming thing I remember learning. It’s UP TO ME to decide what is right for my body. She may not have intended that to be the answer, but it was mine.

Gail: How did these experiences shape your professional interest in sex education and the work you do now?

Because health class was always my favorite, I took every opportunity to be in a class where this was the subject material. I was so lucky to have six classes that talked about sex education, but it still wasn’t enough. There were holes in the education. I always wondered why it was so hard for people to talk about these topics. Now I know.

Sex Education should always be the primary responsibility of the parent or caretaker to address at home. But what happens when our parents/caregivers are too uncomfortable with the topic? Their children extend the cycle of misinformation. This leaves the education up to the public school system, which is governed and influenced by religious teachings and personal values (even when it should not be this way). Young people deserve factual information, untainted by personal bias and coercion.

In my case, I was heavily influenced by the religious values of my family. I was expected to marry a man, have babies, and never advocate for my bodily autonomy. This naturally skewed the importance of sex education in my family. I was expected not to have sex until I was married, and therefore didn’t need information about sex. But despite the peer pressure of shaming sex practices, I wanted to learn as much as I could to help other people in my situation. Knowledge is power.

I knew that what I was being told was not applicable to me. As a child-free person and someone who has known they are part of the LGBTQ+ community since childhood, I didn’t feel represented. If I was not supposed to have sex until I was married, did that not apply to queer folks? Why were there so many rules for straight couples and none for me? It just felt confusing. We just danced around all of these topics.

At EOI, the work we are doing is helping young people make healthy decisions for themselves. We are breaking the cycle of misinformation. It is up to us to advocate for our own bodies and for the education of younger generations. Together, we are making this vision a reality.

Question: How hard can it be to teach sex ed?

By Shari Stucker, Director of Programs

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Answer: Hard.

It can be easy to think that anyone could just step into a classroom with a curriculum and teach sex education. After all, it’s really just puberty and reproduction! But that’s not all sex education is.

At its start, sexual health education did focus primarily on puberty and reproduction, however, the field has evolved over the decades to a much broader understanding of what is needed to be effective for teens. With such a changing field, it can be difficult for schools, educators, and teachers to know what is needed in order to provide the most impactful education. At the same time, it is crucial that teachers and educators feel well equipped to provide this education.

To help schools and educators assess their sex education programming, the Sex Education Collaborative (SEC), has developed the Professional Learning Standards for Sex Education (PLSSE). The SEC is a group of fourteen national, regional, and state-based organizations with extensive experience training educators to teach school-based sex education.*

The SEC developed the PLSSE in part because teaching sex education is unique from other topics. In addition to content knowledge, educators must be able to navigate the wide spectrum of beliefs and experiences held by students, families and communities. Educators must accomplish this while also maintaining a safe and inclusive environment for all students.

The PLSSE contain the most up-to-date and best practice guidance for schools and classroom educators about content, skills, and professional disposition needed to provide effective sexual health education for K-12 students. These standards provide guidelines about what is crucial for effective sexual health education including: values, conscious and unconscious bias awareness, LGBTQ inclusivity, and the ability to answer sensitive or challenging questions.

EyesOpenIowa staff is available to talk with educators, teachers, and schools about the PLSSE and what is most needed for effective sexual health education. EOI’s trainings are also aligned with these new standards and goals and designed to be supportive and informational for new and veteran educators. EOI encourages educators and teachers to review all the PLSSE materials to help determine their own comfort and confidence levels.

*The SEC membership: Advocates for Youth, Answer, Cardea, dfusion, Elizabeth Schroeder Consulting, ETR, EyesOpenIowa, GCAPP, Healthy Teen Network, MOASH, Planned Parenthood, South Carolina Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, SIECUS, SHIFT NC.

Beyond the Birds and the Bees Part 2: Sex Ed Promotes Student Health

By Kirsten Brown, WISE Program Manager

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When it comes to academic achievement at school, there are multiple factors that impact and influence student outcomes – though my guess is that sex education wouldn’t be the first factor most people think of when developing a list of strategies to help students succeed. However, we know that student health is essential because research has shown time and again that healthy kids do better in school.

And sex ed programs definitely play a critical role in teaching students health literacy skills and promoting healthy behaviors! In fact, there’s over 30 years worth of research showing that sex ed programs that teach comprehensive topics lead to greater health outcomes for young people (for a refresh on those comprehensive topics, check out my previous post Beyond the Birds and the Bess Part 1 😊).

Study after study has found that when students are provided with information about their bodies, condoms, contraception, relationships, etc. – it helps them to make informed decisions for themselves and in their relationships with other people. As I mentioned in Part 1, sometimes people fear that if we teach young people sex ed, then students are suddenly going to get the idea to have sex…but what we actually see through research is that sex ed helps:

• Delay the onset of sexual activity (aka young people wait longer to have sex for the first time)

• Reduce the frequency of sexual activity among young people (since many young people wait longer to have sex for the first time and students who’ve been sexually active return to abstinence)

• Reduce the number of sexual partners that young people who are sexually active have

Additionally, studies show that when young people who receive sex ed do begin engaging in sexual activities, they use condoms and contraceptives at higher rates than peers who didn’t receive comprehensive programming.

What’s so awesome is that ALL of these findings enhance student health by protecting against unintended sexual health outcomes like unintended pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) – therefore helping to promote academic achievement!

I also think it’s really important to recognize that school-based sex ed helps to address health disparities by providing young people with essential health information. When we teach sex ed universally at school, we’re ensuring that all students receive the same, medically-accurate health information – regardless of whether or not they have health insurance, transportation to get to a health clinic, etc. Sex ed is also inclusive and affirming of all youth, with LGBTQ+ relationships and topics represented in lesson activities – so students who identify as LGBTQ+ are also supported and receiving health information that’s relevant to their lives.

Plus, sex ed builds young people’s health literacy skills because students learn:

• How to identify reliable sources of information

• How to access health resources in their communities

• What to expect when they go to a doctor’s appointment

• Communication skills so they feel more confident in asking doctors and nurses questions

• How to ask for help from healthcare providers and other trusted adults if they are feeling uncomfortable or unsafe

Again, all of which help promote student health 😊

So next time your school community starts talking about strategies to improve student achievement, highlight the connection between student health and academic achievement AND make sure that sex ed programming is part of the discussion!

Beyond the Birds and the Bees Part 1 – SO What Exactly is Sex Ed?

By Kirsten Brown, WISE Program Manager

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As a Social Worker, it’s often an interesting experience to meet someone new and answer the inevitable “So what do you do” question. People’s reactions can vary from “That’s awesome!” to “I could never do what you do”, so you’re never really sure what to expect. And now that I’m a Social Worker who works in K-12 Sex Education, my “So what do you do” interactions are a bit more unpredictable 😊

In some ways, I do get where people are coming from. The Social Work profession is incredibly diverse and my fellow Social Workers are doing phenomenal work making change in their communities through a variety of positions across the country and globe! But unless you have worked with or know someone who is a Social Worker, the only context many people have of what Social Workers do is based on depictions they see in movies/on TV – which typically only focuses on Child Protection and usually isn’t super accurate. (To learn more about what Social Workers do, the National Association of Social Workers and the International Federation of Social Workers are good places to check out).

And I’ve discovered the same goes for Sex Education. When people hear the term “sex ed”, it can conjure up an array of feelings and connotations based their own experiences at school – some positive and sadly some negative. Some folks received amazing sex ed at school and had fantastic conversations with their parents/caregivers about it too – WHICH IS WONDERFUL!!! Unfortunately, others’ experience with sex ed was more of the “You Will Get Pregnant and Die” variety or simply didn’t happen at all (FYI not all states require sex ed to be taught and some parents/caregivers also avoid talking about it). Of course, the endless sex ed references in pop culture also add fuel to the mix-of-emotions-fire (cue all the teen movie scenes featuring so. much. produce or bumbling caregivers having “the Talk”), making it seem like sex ed is just a ridiculously awkward punchline.

So, I figured we could have a conversation over the course of a few blog posts about what exactly sex ed is, because it’s so much more than people often think 😊 I’m going to be particularly looking at the programming offered in schools and highlighting how it helps students to learn about themselves and their bodies; celebrate difference and show respect to others; develop safe and healthy relationships; make healthy and informed decisions; and how sex ed contributes to an overall improved school climate!

Sex Education Means…

For me, it always helps to start with definitions. The Future of Sex Education (FOSE) – which is a coalition of major national sexual health organizations – defines Sex Ed as “the provision of information about bodily development, sex, sexuality, & relationships, along with skills-building to help young people communicate about & make informed decisions regarding sex & their sexual health. Sex education should occur throughout a student’s grade levels, with medically-accurate information appropriate to students’ development & cultural background.”

Therefore, sex ed is something students really should be learning throughout their entire academic careers, rather than just a 1-day conversation 😊

Additionally, in order for a program to be called sex ed, instruction should also be provided on the following topics:

1. Puberty & adolescent development

2. Anatomy & physiology

3. Pregnancy & reproduction

4. Abstinence, contraception, & condoms  

5. Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) & HIV

6. Healthy relationships

7. Safety & sexual violence prevention

8. Gender identity

9. Sexual orientation

What’s so cool is that all this essential health information is taught in a way that’s age-appropriate for students’ development and is medically-accurate!

Interestingly, the first 5 topics listed above are typically what most people think about as being sex ed…but all 9 topics are actually what makes up programming that’s highly effective! In fact, there’s over 30 years of research showing that when students are provided with all this info it helps them to make healthy and informed decisions for themselves and in the relationships they have with other people (or may have some day).

Now, remember that mix-of-emotions-fire that can happen when people hear “sex ed”? Well, fear is definitely one of them. A super common fear that some people have is that if you teach students sex ed, then students are suddenly going to get the idea to have sex. Or if sex ed programming is talked about in elementary schools, some folks immediately channel their best scream emoji – not realizing that the sex ed lessons taught in elementary grades are 1) developmentally appropriate and 2) focus mostly on building students’ social and personal safety skills (and I promise, we’ll talk more about this in a future post 😊).

And WOWZA - fear can be a really challenging emotion to work through! Because we want young people to be safe, healthy, and happy AND we want to ensure the education they receive will help them be all of those things. But here’s the good news – the research on sex ed actually shows that when young people learn about these comprehensive topics, they experience greater health AND academic outcomes overall! YAY!!

So now that we’ve covered the definition of sex ed and the topics that are covered, be sure o tune in for Beyond the Birds and the Bees Part 2, where we’ll chat more specifically about the amazing health and academic outcomes students experience when they receive sex ed!

Raise Your Voice! Proposed Changes to Title IX Funding and College Campuses

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The era of #MeToo has raised the significance of conversations around sexual misconduct and assault. Over the last year or so, many college campuses have stepped up to provide better support, programming, and resources for survivors of sexual assault. A large portion of the funding for these services has been through Title IX guidelines, which are “federal rules created in 1972 to protect the civil rights of students and staff. This includes guidance on how sexual harassment and assault are handled on campuses receiving federal education funds.” Schools receiving federal funds must also ensure that students are not discriminated against based on their sex, and are not denied or limited in their ability to participate in campus classes and programs (Title IX Resource Guide).

Historically, Title IX has offered protections for students who experience harassment and/or assault as a student at these schools. However, this may soon change. Betsy DeVos, head of the Department of Education under the Trump Administration, has proposed new Title IX rules that could change the way schools that receive Title IX funding are able to respond to reports of sexual assault around their campuses. Some of these proposed changes include:

• Investigating complaints only if the alleged incident occurred on campus or affiliated areas overseen by the school.

• Receipt of complaints will be limited to certain school officials.

• Accused students will be allowed to cross-examine their accusers in the presence of a school representative. (Burlington Free Press)

As written, these changes would have a severe impact on survivors of sexual harassment and assault. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) currently reports that 12% of college students have experienced a rape or sexual assault, with the possibility of that number actually being much higher because of the number of those who don’t report. The Department’s  proposed changes would create even more harm for victims, by adding unnecessary barriers to reporting and seeking justice. If put into effect, these changes could effectively “force accusers to confront the people they’re accusing, limit the resources for reporting, and tie universities’ hands when it comes to seeking justice for survivors.” (Marie Claire).

Anyone who is concerned about the proposed changes can take steps to make their voice heard. The Department has an open comment period until January 28th. Go to the Office of the Federal Register to read the document, and add your comments to make your voice heard! Together, #WeToo stand with survivors of sexual harassment and assault.

Moving Beyond “you will get pregnant and die.”

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By Shari Stucker, Director of Programs

“Don’t have sex because you will get pregnant and die.”

--Coach Carr, Mean Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5xkxTfVLSA

While the scene is a parody, it is not far from what sex education looked like in the recent past, before sex education became a well-researched and evidence-based field.

Fortunately, sex education in Iowa and the nation has come a long way from the days of “you will get pregnant and die.” Federal, state, and local agencies, advocates, and communities worked together over the last two decades to develop and evaluate sex education curricula and approaches. Multiple published study results have shown that the strategies of providing teens with medically accurate information about sexuality and related topics in school actually reduces the teen birth rate, delays the onset of sexual activity, and prepares teens for a lifetime of well-informed sexual health decision-making.

And comprehensive sex education works. The national teen birth rate at 20.3 in 2016 is the lowest it has been, following decades of almost continuous decrease. Iowa continues to reflect the national trend, with a teen birth rate of 17.2 in 2016 (CDC).

Comprehensive sex education receives overwhelming support from parents as well, with 93.5% of parents feeling it is important to have sex education taught in middle school and 96% feeling it is important to teach it in high school (Kantor and Levitz, July 2017).

And yet, the days of “you will get pregnant and die” are not completely behind us. While comprehensive sex education has made a considerable positive impact in states, including Iowa, abstinence-only-until-marriage (AOUM) programs have continued to receive federal funds and support.

Over the last three decades, the federal government has spent more than $2 billion on AOUM programs. These programs use scare tactics and false or misleading information to encourage teens to remain sexually abstinent until they married. AOUM programs have been consistently shown to be ineffective at best and harmful at worst for teens and are denounced by professional medical associations.

Rebranding: Sexual Risk Avoidance and Public Health Strategies

Federal support for AOUM programs decreased in the Obama administration and there was greater negative public feedback during that time. To counter that, AOUM programs underwent significant rebranding and changed their title to “sexual risk avoidance (SRA).”

The new SRA approach uses public health risk avoidance strategies for behaviors that are typically risky or dangerous for teens, such as smoking and illicit drug use. Risk avoidance makes perfect sense when the behavior is a choice and when the outcomes are clearly harmful, such as smoking or illicit drug use. One of the major flaws in the SRA approach, however, is that sexuality is not a choice and is not inherently risky. Despite Coach Carr’s claim, sex does not automatically cause one to “get pregnant and die.”

SRA goes further still in its rebranding. SRA programs also attempt to link teen sexual activity to teens giving birth and then continuing to live in poverty into adulthood. Again, this attempt conceals a crucial flaw in the SRA approach by assuming that teens who are sexually active automatically become pregnant and live in poverty. In contrast, as has been demonstrated over decades, if teens are provided with medically-accurate information and access to resources, the teen birth rate declines. In addition, while a young parent is more likely to live in poverty, with proper supports and resources, that is less likely.

Ascend: name change, same goals, same effects

Ascend is the leading national advocacy and training organization for SRA programs. Ascend was formerly the National Abstinence Education Association and Valerie Huber was the president and CEO. Ms. Huber is now with the federal Health and Human Services Department and is in a role where she has oversight of sex education programs across the country.

A review of Ascend training materials, for providers of sex education, shows that the vocabulary has changed, however, the intended impact, harmful attitudes, false information, and goals of the program remain the same.

Ascend continues to promote false information about contraception and stereotypes about gender and LGBTQ teens. This is all potentially very harmful to teens as they navigate their own sexual health development and make sexual behavior decisions into adulthood.

Moving Beyond “you will get pregnant and die.”

Ascend and SRA programs are similar to Coach Carr’s approach. Because, despite all the rebranding and alignment with public health approaches, Ascend and SRA are essentially telling teens that any sexual activity is harmful, while the programs withhold vital information and perpetuate damaging stereotypes.

And yes, the SRA approach exists in the state of Iowa. It can be difficult for parents, schools, and the public to differentiate between what is a healthy, comprehensive sexual health education program and one that is more likely to cause harm to students.

EyesOpenIowa encourages all stakeholders in teen sexual health education, including schools, parents, teens, and providers, to become educated on what is being provided or offered. EOI has been a leader in this field for over 20 years, knows the field of adolescent sexual health, and can assist with understanding the differences of various curricula and approaches. It can be challenging to figure out or become misled by the “lingo” and make the best choice for all young people. Contact us with any questions or concerns you might have.

Check out the national resources below for more information and let’s keep moving Iowa teens into a well-informed future.

Boyer, Jesseca: Guttmacher Policy Review: New Name, Same Harm: Rebranding of Federal Abstinence-Only Programs, 2018, volume 21.

SIECUS: On Our Side: Public Support for Sex Education, August 2018
SIECUS: Sexual Risk Avoidance? Let's Avoid it.

Holy Moly…It’s Let’s Talk Month!

By Sydni Loney, Program Assistant

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What is ‘Let’s Talk Month?’, you ask?

Let’s Talk Month is an annual educational campaign coordinated by Advocates For Youth (AFY), a national non-profit focused on helping adolescents make informed and healthy decisions about their sexual health. According to AFY, “Let's Talk Month is an opportunity for community agencies, religious institutions, businesses, schools, media, parent groups and health providers to plan programs and activities which encourage parent/child communication about sexuality.”

Each October, our efforts are channeled into helping folks find ways to begin these conversations. Pause, let’s say that again; conversations. A one-time talk is great, but all of the topics encompassed in sexuality can’t be discussed in a single sit-down. Plus, learning new information often takes repetition. AKA, talking OVER and OVER again about the same information. And while it may feel overwhelming or uncomfortable for both of you, research shows that young people prefer to learn this information from their parents/caregivers. Not the internet. Not MTV. Not their friends. YOU.

So when and where do you even begin?! Just like we encourage education to begin early in the schools, we encourage discussions to begin early at home as well. If you have a preschooler or elementary student:

• Introduce the concept of bodily autonomy. Help them learn to take care of their own body rather than doing everything for them. Don’t force them to sit on Santa’s lap or hug a relative if they don’t want to; teach them that they control their body and what happens to it.

• Introduce consent. Model asking before tickling or hugging, and stop when they say “stop!” even if they are giggling. Teach them to ask you before tickling or climbing all over you.

• Use correct terms for anatomy. Don’t refer to their body parts as a “ding-dong” or “cookie”; this will teach them that their body parts are nothing to be ashamed of. It can also help them if they ever experience sexual violence, because they will know the correct way to describe what happened to them.

If you’re past the little years and have a middle-/high-schooler:

• Ask about what they are learning in school. Many students begin receiving sex education of some kind in middle or high school, so ask them about what they are learning. Use open-ended questions, not questions they can mumble a “yes” or “no” to.

• Don’t be afraid to bring up topics like birth control and STD testing. It may sound horrifying, but many students don’t receive reliable information about these thing from anywhere else. If you don’t know all the details yourself, look them up or find resources you can pass off to your teen.

• Talk about relationships. If you notice that they or their friends have begun dating relationships, ask them questions about it. You can also use TV shows, movies, or song lyrics to begin these conversations. 1 in 3 teens will experience dating violence at some point. Help curb their risk but talking openly and freely about what’s healthy and what’s not.

• Find the right time. Avoid scenarios that might feel confrontational. Any anything with constant direct eye-contact might be a bit much for both of you. Instead, use the drive to an extracurricular or sitting on the couch during a movie to bring up these topics. The more comfortable you can make it, the more your teen will open up.

• Learn when to let it go. Teens can be moody, and sometimes they simply won’t be receptive to the conversation. As long as they aren’t in any danger, sometimes it’s best to just let things go for the moment. Make sure they have resources available for if/when they are ready to talk.

You can learn more about Let’s Talk Month and find additional resources at here.

Redefining The MeToo Movement To Address Child And Adolescent Sexual Violence

The Rise Of The MeToo K-12 Movement

By Kristin Fairholm, Executive Director

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Let’s talk about sexual violence, shall we?  The MeToo movement is a firestorm of advocacy and accusations over abuse we have all known has existed long before the birth of the internet. It is the latest talking point for broadcasters and social media influencers.  A point of contention and confusion between men and women.  Honestly, there is nothing new about any of it except our current willingness to finally admit it has gone on too long. 

What started with a conversation for adults around the topic of sexual assault and harassment has transitioned to a more inclusive narrative for our young people. A dialogue is evolving that understands there is a spectrum at play - one that begins with subtle sexual jokes and ends with the normalization of sexual violence.  And the fuzzy line of adult consent we all seem so baffled with did not magically draw itself at the age of eighteen.  Rather our boundaries took shape in childhood and adolescence when we first began to navigate our cumbersome social and emotional development.

Understanding we must go back to childhood, the national nonprofit, Stop Sexual Assault in Schools, created the hashtag #MeTooK12 in an effort to promote awareness and inspire action to combat pervasive sexual harassment and sexual violence in K-12 schools across our country.  More than half of all school children have been sexually harassed with some reports revealing the number is closer to 80% in grades 8-11. 

Our children must learn new boundaries.  Consent must be concrete - a line of physical and emotional safety so clear one is never left to question its ambiguity.  Sexual stereotypes, inappropriate touching, harassing language, victim blaming should be as unaccepted in our modern culture as the imagery of brutal physical violations.  Most behavior begins as a seed.  If we abhor seemingly slight violations we will hopefully never climb the mountain of abuse.  It will be lost in the valley. 

As a parent and a social worker, it saddens me to see young schoolgirls and schoolboys disclose their personal violations for a cause as if it is the only way to bring validation to their pain. Minors should not feel socially pressured to share their private moments of abuse.  Disclosure is a double-edged sword. I support the advocacy and awareness of the movement while I find we may be violating the violated without their complete understanding.  

In order to make #MeTooK12 a valuable part of our history, we must begin teaching our children and teens today.

 1. Teach Body Autonomy: It means your children have control over their own bodies. He/she gets to decide how and when to use his/her body. (Example: No, I don’t want to hug grandma goodbye)  And just as importantly, your child doesn’t have the right to use someone else’s body without their full consent.

2. Teach No Means No: Make it clear and concise. If children know they can’t negotiate a boundary they won’t look to bend it. No means no and this can begin as early as your child can speak. Consent should not be limited to sexual activity.  

3. Do Not Minimize Inappropriate Behavior:  Hold your children accountable for their own behavior. Accountability runs hand in hand with accepting and understanding when they have crossed a line.

4. Teach Appropriate Social Skills: Encourage play dates for small children and hang out time for adolescents.  The more time children have to interact with their friends and peers the more they will be adept at learning the nuances of body language and facial expressions.  Screen time is not social time.

5. Teach Self-Respect: People who respect themselves never allow others to break down their boundaries and will feel confident in reporting any violation that may occur.  On the flipside, individuals with self-respect do not seek to devalue others.  

We cannot forget the concept of consent and the notion of boundaries first takes its shape in child and adolescent normative development.  Teach our children correctly and they will grow into adults who operate in a world of clarity about sexual harassment, violence and violations. Every girl and boy deserves the chance to flourish in a safe environment that values and respects his/her gender.  Listen actively to your children.  Be present.  Allow them to come to you with their questions or concerns no matter how small.  Your availability and willingness to role model appropriate behavior is helping them to navigate the path that will lead them to adulthood.  One that I hope never includes a #MeTooMovement because its need became hashtag #Obsolete.

How Comprehensive Sex Education Prevents Sexual Abuse

By Kristin Fairholm, Executive Director

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We would all like our children to live in a bubble, wouldn’t we?  An impenetrable plastic that protects our little ones and teens from the difficulties and sometimes tragedies of being human.  But we have to face real life. And with reality comes the possibility of harm and danger. Knowing we live in a world that makes no promises, we must equip our children with the best suit of armor available: EDUCATION.

When it comes to the topic of sexual abuse we may all feel a little nervous and uncomfortable. That’s okay. It is a difficult topic. However, we must press on and confront the stark nature of sexual abuse because it is quietly pervasive in its reach.  Sexual abuse prefers silence and secrets. As a parent I would want to know the facts in an effort to stop the abuse. So here I am sharing them with you today. According to recent studies the following is known to be true:

• About 1 in 7 girls and 1 in 25 boys will be sexually abused by their 18th birthday.
• Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under. Youth have higher rates of sexual assault victimization than do adults. In 2000, the rate for youth aged 12 to 17 was 2.3 times higher than for adults.
• More than 90% of children who are victims of sexual abuse know their abuser.
• As many as 40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, or more powerful children.
• Children who live in rural areas are almost two times more likely to be identified as victims of child sexual abuse.
• 45% of pregnant teens report a history of child sexual abuse.
• Males who are sexually abused are more likely than their non-abused peers to impregnate a teen. In fact, several studies indicate that the sexual abuse of boys is a stronger risk factor for teen pregnancy than the sexual abuse of girls.

While the statistics are frightening, comprehensive sex education gives us an effective tool to combat the deafening silence that abuse so loves.  

How do we as parents, teachers and community leaders educate our children to prevent sexual abuse?
 

1. Teach Our Children The Proper Names Of Their Body Parts: You can begin this as early as 18 months old. It is just as important to know the name of your vagina or penis as it is to know your elbow or nose. If your children have a correct name for their body parts they will be able to tell you if someone has inappropriately touched those same areas.
    
2. Teach Good Touch/Bad Touch:  Learning the difference between good touch and bad touch is an excellent starting point for small children. It helps them identify the differences between what is acceptable and what is not.  A child who does not know whether or not someone should be allowed to touch their breasts or buttock will not be able to tell you that he/she has in fact been abused.
    
3. Model And Discuss Healthy Relationships:  Show your child what a safe and healthy relationship looks like by modeling it for them on a daily basis. If you engage in an abusive, threatening or submissive relationship, your child will expect such in their own relationship. Discuss verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse at age-appropriate levels. Start early and talk often.
    
4. Honor A Child’s Right To Privacy And Personal Boundaries:  Never push a child to hug another child or adult even if that adult is grandma or grandpa. Teach them their body is their own.  Do not take pictures of your child changing, bathing, or potty training and post to social media. Children must learn their bodies are not for public consumption no matter the intention.  Remind your child they should ask for permission before hugging other children.  Everyone deserves to have their own boundaries met.
    
5. Make Sure Your Child Receives Comprehensive Sex Education:  If your child or student does not receive this information at school, act to ensure comprehensive sex education gets the support and funding it needs. Start with EyesOpenIowa as a resource for your family and community.
    
6. Educate Yourself: Use EyesOpenIowa as a resource to learn more about sexual education and as a starting point to other resources that may inform you about the warning signs of childhood sexual abuse and how to intervene.
    
7. Make Time For Your Child:  While it may seem obvious, connecting with your child on a daily basis is of the utmost importance in preventing abuse.  Children who are well-connected to their parents are less likely to be abused.  Know their teachers, friends and coaches.  Ask questions about their day. Remind your children repeatedly they will never get in trouble for telling the truth even about a difficult subject matter.  Open and supportive communication naturally lends itself to children who feel safe in reporting the mundane and the menacing.   

Every child deserves the right to be safe from abuse.  Reduce the risk of harm. Empower your child with comprehensive sexual education.  Safety is a decision you will never regret.